Can't We All Agree to Just Agree*

True Love Story - Willow Aster

Ian: Sparrow, you are beautiful. Fucking gorgeous!!


Sparrow: No, Ian, you're beautiful.


Ian: No, no, no! Little Bird you are the most beautiful girl I've ever seen in my life!! I'm going to start calling you Little Bird because in all my infinite, poetic wisdom, I actually figured out that's what a sparrow is, right? And with Sparrow being your name and all, it sounds perfect!! Not that the name 'Sparrow' sounds a tad contrived or silly. And you know, I do write songs which sell millions of copies so really, it's all very poetic and a little emo and when all the little fangirls hear it, they will squee and buy more mp3's.


Sparrow: Oh no, Ian! You are the most handsome, most talented, bestest boyfriend, EVAH!!! It doesn't even matter that when you blow into town, you do nothing but sweet talk me and get me all hot and bothered for a few hours then leave and never call or email or text for 2 or 3 months. I carry the memory of your perfection in my heart, always!



Ian: Sparrow, your smile just lights up the whole fucking world!! I know I'm not the only one who thinks that. Shit, I know everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, who meets you falls in love with you within 30 seconds of seeing you. Come to think of it, only men who see you fall for you. You don't seem to make friends with a lot of women but at least your besty from California likes you. Well, and your mom, though she kinda has to. For some reason, though, my cousin's wife, Laila, doesn't. Hmmmm...I wonder why...


Sparrow: Ian! Ian! (snaps her fingers in his face) Hello!?!?  Eyes on me! You know I can't say curse words because I'm a preacher's daughter, but if I could, I would tell you that your hair just fuckin' rocks!!! Oh! Did I just say a curse word? Gosh, I hope God doesn't strike me down! Naaaw...he won't because I am one of his perfect creations and so beautiful that it would just be a crying shame if that happened.


Ian: Sparrow, have I ever told you that your fashion sense is the bomb! You are the cat's meow, the bee's knees, the ULTIMATE fashionista now that you've moved to NYC and get to shop with your daddy's congregation's donations and wear those ultra skin-tight, brightly colored, cut-up-to-your-perfect-ass dresses and ski bunny suits!!! Boy if those people could see you now, they would be in fucking awe of your beauty! And I'm pretty sure they think it was money well spent to send you out of state to go to a university in NEW YORK CITY!!'re perfect which anyone can see.


Sparrow: Oh, Ian. You are the most perfect, most beautiful, most well-modulated voiced boyfriend I've ever had!!! Did I tell you your hair is perfect? I did? Well, just let me tell you again! And again! And again! You're hair is sooooo perfect, I want to eat it!!


Ian: Please marry me, Little Bird, and make me the happiest, cheating, stalking, dirt-sucking, scumbag, douchebag, dickwad, piece of shit in the whole entire universe!!


Sparrow (squeeing): Oh Ian!! Yes! Yes! Yes! I will marry you!!! Omigod!! Wait! What if we have a baby and the baby is prettier than us?


Ian and Sparrow (saying together):'ll never happen!!


*Relocated from GR